Gotta sing, gotta dance, gotta watch (Tues., March 27 edition)
03/27/07 10:58 PM
By ED BARK
Hoof and mouth disease? If so, many millions are contracting it on Tuesday nights, where TV's hottest two reality series now will share the stage until late May.
Fox's American Idol goes first at 7 p.m. (central) with its weekly performance show. Then ABC's Dancing with the Stars follows with its weekly viewer/judge vote-off. Hoof and mouth aired back-to-back for the first time Tuesday.
Dancing bounced supermodel Paulina Porizkova after Idol's Chris Sligh made himself look ripe for plucking on Wednesday night. The combined national audience for this Tuesday twosome likely will approach 50 million.
Judges' scores for Porizkova's fox trot and mambo had put her in the middle of the 11-celebrity pack. But this is a show where "fan bases" rule. And Dancing's increasingly older viewing audience may have been puzzled by the name Porizkova. Ratzenberger (John) they understand, but Porizkova might be almost as Greek to them as former Miss USA Shandi Finnessey, the night's other Bottom Two celeb.
By the way, both beauties scored higher with the judges than Ratzenberger. But the Cheers alum has reruns and the Wilford Brimley vote in his mail sack.
"I guess my fan base was my family, and they were not extensive enough," Porizkova said knowingly after host Tom Bergeron lowered the guillotine. She joins Dancing's "First to Go" club, which also includes Trista Rehn, Kenny Mayne and Tucker Carlson.
Wednesday's show otherwise had more padding than a Mattress King warehouse. From here to eternity is when Bergeron opens the show by asking, "Who will be the first to feel the pain of defeat?" Many moons and two Dionne Warwick guest vocals later, Porizkova learned that she wouldn't be doing the bossa nova, which actually isn't included in Dancing's official regimen, but what the hell.
The two favorites are still boxer Laila Ali and former boy bander Joey Fatone, with Olympic multi-medalist Apolo Anton Ohno also a threat to win the gold. And handicapped Heather Mills' amazingly dextrous mambo may help her to shed a little of that she-devil image while she simultaneously battles beloved Beatle Paul McCartney for a bigger share of his fortune. Plucky Heather Mills. It plays much better than bitch.
Over on Idol, Sligh seemed stoned while singing The Police's "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic."
Judge Simon Cowell pronounced it "a mess," which actually was kind of him.
Sligh's slipping standing may give yet another reprieve to Sanjaya Malakar, who wore his hair in a peacock's plume Wednesday while soaking in No Doubt's "Bathwater."
Malakar's performance met his usual low standards, but Cowell openly wondered if anyone out there is really listening.
"I don't think it matters anymore what we say," he said. "You are in your own universe."
Idol's splendid Melinda Doolittle again was out of this world. It's really hard to imagine her not winning in the end. Judge Randy Jackson distilled her appeal: "You actually are living the words. That's what a real singer does."
Idol and Dancing will be back-to-back again next Tuesday. And on the Tuesday after that. Etc., etc. No night has ever seen two live talent competitions with this kind of drawing power. Then again, both shows harken to the simple basics that pretty much birthed prime-time TV.
Generations later, it's still the same old song and dance.
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