Gotta sing, gotta dance, gotta watch (Tues., April 10 edition)
04/10/07 09:15 PM
By ED BARK
Two more hours of prime-time live sent Leeza Gibbons to the showers while Simon Cowell shot his first poison-tipped arrow at Melinda Doolittle.
American Idol, also known as Waiting for Sanjaya, slogged through a lackluster Latin-themed night while Dancing with the Stars laboriously worked its way to a Bottom Two of the former Dallas-based PM Magazine host and onetime Cheers second banana John Ratzenberger.
Leeza, whose previous night's paso doble was judged "dull, dull, dull," finally got the none-too-swift kick while Ratzo's even clunkier version at least was applauded from the studio audience by his 91-year-old mother. Oh Uncle Barky, you're nothing but a girlyman in polka pantaloons.
Unjustly spared was Clyde "The Glide" Drezler, whose seemingly disinterested waltz committed a flagrant foul in the eyes of judges Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli.
"It's my feeling you're not even giving it your best shot," huffed Len.
"There is more romance between Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell," puffed Bruno.
But Leeza got bounced while plucky "charity campaigner" Heather Mills survived to nimbly dance yet another night on an artificial left leg. No joke, she really is opening some eyes in terms of what can be accomplished under such circumstances. It's getting harder to see her as the uncontested she-devil in those contentious divorce proceedings with Paul McCartney. Hmm, maybe he is the Walrus.
Over on Idol, celebrity coach Jennifer Lopez didn't do a whole lot except repeatedly laugh at her own jokes and pronouncements. Doolittle, the night's lead-off singer, performed "Sway" with her usual aplomb and nuance. Except that Simon didn't think so.
"Well, it had to happen, Melinda. I didn't like it," he said, terming her version "a bit lazy, a little bit wooden."
She had the perfect comeback, though.
"I think he really wanted to say something bad, and I'm glad he got the chance," she told host Ryan Seacrest. Sweet.
Then along came Sleepy Time Phil Stacey, who again bored the two male judges, this time with his constipated "Oh Maria." America, cut this guy loose. He creates less excitement than a prune juice party.
San Antonio's comely Haley Scarnato again sold her sexuality, with Simon of course taking note.
"I think you really have a good tactic, Haley," he sniped. "Wear the least amount of clothes as possible."
Actually only her shorts were short.
Sanjaya Malakar performed last after Seacrest grandly goofed on him as "the embodiment of Latin passion."
He then charismatically lazed his way through Consuelo Velazquez's "Besame Mucho."
Judge Randy Jackson mustered a reluctant rave: "That was actually really good." Simon threw this at him: "You sang like a 14-year-old. And I'm gonna hate myself for this. It wasn't horrible."
Translation: Sanjaya now is a virtual lead-pipe cinch to make the Final 6. And the producers of American Idol wouldn't mind that even a little bit. We're at the point where the show's ratings typically sag a bit, and he still helps to prop them up.
After that, though, every breath Sanjaya takes sucks a little life out of Idol's's rep as a starmaker whose champs really can sing. But c'mon, there's no real chance he'll win or even come close. Right?
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