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New series review: High School reunion (TV Land)

J.J. Pearce's "Kat The Lesbian," then and now. Photos from TV Land

Premiering: Wednesday, March 5 at 9 p.m. (central) on TV Land
Starring: 14 graduates from J.J. Pearce High School's class of 1987
Produced by: Mike Fleiss, Lisa Levenson

Mmm, "Kat the Lesbian." Delish.

Says she's now a "little bit curious" about re-trying a man on for size. Scrumptious.

Has semi-dissipated "Rob The Stud" intrigued. Priceless.

Sorry. Just trying to sink to the level of TV Land's High School Reunion, which turns out to be not all that bad a level in which to sink. Starring 14 graduates of J.J. Pearce High School's Class of 1987, here's a reality series that knows how to squeeze the juice, strum the heartstrings and tease with the laughably somber intensity of a defrocked National Geographic Channel spokesman.

So really, what's not to like about this beautifully shallow, six-episode wallow at a "sun-drenched" Maui wowie dubbed "Reunion Estate?" Somebody's going to get in somebody's p-a-a-a-a-nts. And Rob the Stud might as well be the one to catch Kat scratch fever.

Eleven of the Pearce grads get laid -- er, leis -- in Wednesday's opener. One by one they arrive on this temptation island, briefly introducing themselves to voyeurs/ viewers while enroute to a nicely appointed outdoor open bar.

The show's other three participants, including nefarious "Steve The Backstabber," will be fully introduced later. But we get a little taste of S The B during an opening tease in which he's told, "You slept with your best friend's wife."

"And I'm man enough to admit it," he retorts. Hiss.

The cast and 1987 class of Richardson's J.J. Pearce High School.

Pearce is said to be located in Dallas, Texas, which might piss Richardson off just a bit. Oh well, this is the big-footing way of the TV world. During her championship year on the first American Idol, Kelly Clarkson was always dubbed a Dallas rather than a Burleson girl.

Pearce otherwise is portrayed as a wild-partying Gomorrah -- or at least that's the way some remember it.

"Mike The Rebel," who now looks kinda dweebish, says he was a "bit of a troublemaker" who constantly had the cops called to his extracurricular activities.

Rob The Stud, who since has become a "good, sensitive guy" in his view, recalls getting "laid a lot" at hotel parties following football games.

Mike The Rebel used to be married to "Lana The Drama Queen," who not only sacked him but slept with Steve the Backstabber. This has rendered Mike pretty clenched up during Reunion's first episode. He does find time, though, to draw a mustache on Lana The Drama Queen's high school picture.

One of the show's icebreaker's is a "Hall Pass" given to a guy or girl. They then get to pick someone for a date. First up is "Deanna The Popular Girl," who chooses the now hunky "Justin The Pipsqueak."

They get side-by-side massages and then plates of seductive fruit and champagne. But Justin The Pipsqueak can't quite bring himself to kiss the still succulent Deanna The Popular Girl, a four-time divorcee. He later shows up in thong-y underwear, though, during group hot tub therapy.

Poignancy is embodied by "Matt The Jock," who's still mourning the recent death of his wife. Since then, "I've cried, I've friggin' hugged, I've done everything" in hopes of feeling better, he says. Hall Pass therapy then leads him to "Yvette The Girl Next Door."

Future episodes promise high-wire tension, lotsa foolin' around and maybe even tattooed Kat on a hot tin roof.

"Long-buried feelings will erupt to the surface, and no one will be left unscathed," the narrator teases.

That's the spirit. High School Reunion has both a breakout personality in Kat The Lesbian and an overall cheesiness that it wears very well. All in all, It definitely beats a kick in the head from "Jason The Bully."

Grade: B