Liar liar, should Fox burn in hellfire?
01/22/08 02:20 PM
By ED BARK
Here's a basic, bare bones query for Fox entertainment chairman Peter Liguori: "In your heart of hearts, are you proud to have The Moment of Truth on your network?
This is, after all, the big-money game show that deploys lie detectors in tandem with questions such as, "While at your current job, have you ever touched a female co-worker inappropriately?"
Or, "Do fat people repulse you?" (Asked by a fat person, of course.)
And for a change of pace, how about an easy one -- "Do you think you will still be married to your husband five years from now?"
Hosted by Mark L. Walberg and already lovingly slathered with "controversy" in Fox promos, Moment of Truth gets a big blastoff Wednesday, Jan. 23, at 8 p.m. (central) following an American Idol audition show. All that's available to TV critics beforehand is a 3 minute, 50 second "preview reel" in which the basics of the show and some of the questions are thrown to us wolves.
A couple of polygraph results also are revealed, but Fox asks in bold, underlined type that they not be revealed beforehand.
Fine, but I'm going to answer one of the questions myself. Namely, "Have you ever stuffed your underwear?"
Um, yes, but only with my ample manhood. It's that kind of show. And no, I conveniently don't have a lie detector readily available.
Tell "the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth" during the course of 21 progressively harder questions and you can take home $500 grand. Subtract a priceless amount of dignity, though. But what the hell, happiness is answering "Yes" to this Fox-provided sample question: "As an adult, have you ever peed in a swimming pool?"
The network's incessant on-air promos gleefully raise the question of whether Moment of Truth indeed marks the "end of Western civilization."
Boy, Fox sure hopes so. Because "Boxers or briefs?" is barely a popcorn fart compared to host Walberg asking, "Do you burp/fart in public and blame it on someone else?"
It might be instructive, though, to play a presidential candidate version of Moment of Truth. First they swallow truth serum. Then it goes something like this (with all questions drawn from Fox's 100-count printed sampler):
Hillary Clinton, "Do you love your job more than sex?"
Barack Obama, "Do you think you're better than everyone else because you're hot?"
John Edwards, "Are you currently a member of the Hair Club For Men?"
John McCain, "Did you ever fake it in bed?"
Mike Huckabee, "Have you ever spied on a naked neighbor?"
Rudy Giuliani, "Do you ever feel your spouse is too controlling?"
Mitt Romney, "Did you cheat on any of your tests in school?"
Fred Thompson, "Do you really care about the starving children in Africa?"
All of these questions, of course, should be asked by Chris Matthews, who couldn't possibly tell the truth if asked in turn, "Do you ever get tired of hearing yourself talk?"
So maybe Moment of Truth does have some practical applications in the win-at-all-costs battle for the Oval Office. Who better to play this game -- and suffer the consequences -- than people who have spent much of their adult lives making things up?