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TV Bulletin Board (March 18)

Sheila E. and Clint Black will compete on Secret Talents of the Stars.

She got the ring, I got the finger. Bada-boom-ba.

Yikes, country crooner Clint Black will try his hand at standup comedy on CBS' latest reality concoction, Secret Talents of the Stars.

It premieres on Tuesday, April 8th and is scheduled to run in live doses all the way through the May ratings "sweeps."

Semi-grizzled TV watchers might see this as a carryover from CBS' once potent Circus of the Stars specials. That was the show where Bob Newhart safely spun plates while former televangelist Marjoe Gortner got strapped to a car hood and driven through a flaming brick wall.

Gortner did get to wear a helmet, though, on a show that otherwise had a definite pecking order. When you're hot, you spin plates. When you're not, you risk immolation.

The entire list of 16 competitors isn't final yet. But of course Danny Bonaduce will be among them. He'll try to ride a unicycle amid members of The Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus.

Other "well-known personalities" -- not that anyone could identify all of them -- include:

Sheila E. juggling with The Flying Karamazov Brothers.
Joe Frazier "showcasing his smooth moves" as an R&B singer.
Ben Stein dancing the jitterbug.
George Takei singing a country tune.
Mya tap dancing.
Roy Jones Jr. rapping.
Ric Flair salsa-ing.
Cindy Margolis doing magic tricks.
Malcolm-Jamal Warner playing bass guitar with a hip hop band.
Marla Maples "presenting her gymnastic abilities."
Sasha Cohen "exhibiting her agility as a contortionist" with the New Shanghai Circus.
Bridget Marquardt "soaring as a trapeze artist."

A host and the three requisite judges haven't been announced yet. But you almost have to have a standup comic, an Osmond and a Brit these days. So let's go with D.L. Hughley presiding in league with Marie, Boy George and George Hamilton.